Christmas – December 25, 2010
Another day of celebration and another day when I sit here while my dear one rests in bed. He is not one to complain- but his unhappiness does make him more tired and complacent than usual. I feel sad for him. It’s not as if this is unusual. Rather this is the norm. He has called his cousin and brother and lost all of his energy to make any further attempts at communication. He was not always like this – but in some ways he has been trained to be this way.
I come from a mother who believed in the magic of Christmas and went to the extreme to make it happen for us – whether we were four or forty. She was the one who made the sounds, smells and decorations of Christmas more powerful, more pungent, more filled with love. So, for me holidays – and especially Christmas was a time of family, friends, gifts, trees, lights, food and time spent with people you may only see once a year. It was truly a time that I looked forward to- despite the extra work and chores that accompanied the holiday.
When I married we both loved to start at Thanksgiving to get our Hallmark keepsake for the year – around our anniversary. We put up a tree, sometimes in the presence of the youngest son, who on occasion, even helped with the trimming. We had and attended Christmas parties and drove miles to spend time with family and friends. We went out and checked out the decorations in the neighborhood and even recorded them to use on our TV program.
Even when my family was no longer a part of our lives, we had celebrations with the kids we taught all year- with a party, making ornaments and decorating the floor on which we held classes.
Then that ended.
We put up our own tree, once since that time. We had the neighbors for Christmas dinner one year – that was a real treat – until cousin someone came lit and talky and made us all have to bite the inside of our mouths to prevent us from laughing out loud.
So, this Christmas we have been blessed with the company of those who want to see and be around us. We miss the people we know are miles away and with whom we would enjoy to be around – but we will see them another time. The season holds no magic for being the only time I feel loved or love another. When the snow is gone BFF will drive over – and when the snow is gone- who knows where we will be on this journey … maybe running our educational institute – maybe on the road – maybe published- maybe working with others once again! Maybe just content to write, paint, exercise and enjoy each day!
Holidays are great by me – I can remember the past ones and smile and enjoy the memories. I can know that I am happy regardless of what others think and do. They cannot and do not make me happy- I wish them all the peace and love and happiness I have found being married to this man I love. He has shown me so much and I would do anything for him, to be able to enjoy his days till the very end, and believe in miracles -- that each day we have another chance to be happy.
Peace, Love and Happiness to all this Holiday Season – may all your wishes come true- mine have!
