It's been a different kind of week - and all because he is still suffering from unusual fears! I wish I could make the fear go away
I thank you, my dear friends, for your prayerful support.
On Wednesday, John was scheduled for a simple procedure. Somehow, it turned into a slow-motion nightmare from which I prayed I would awake quickly.
While still in the waiting room, he seemed to have drifted off to another place, and was not as responsive as usual. I attributed this to his fear of the procedure and his remembering the last time we were at the same surgical suite where he was very unhappy with another procedure, and showed it by nearly breaking my hand squeezing it until there was no circulation. So when they called him after he had been waiting nearly forty minutes – he was gone! I just didn’t know how gone!
I told the girl he would need assistance disrobing and they immediately asked if I wanted to go with him – not really – but yes, I went.
We got him into a gown and slipper socks and into the bed to start the bp cuff and give him an IV. His bp was 189/169. SHOCKED! He is normally 90/62… I was close to panicking myself. They put in the IV and it went up! 199/176. What the hell was going on?
He was saying, “yes” to me but staring at the ceiling and not really acting like he was there! He had gone to some horrible place where he was scared out of his mind and his bp was rising. I talked to him, rubbed his head, feet, chest, and tried everything I knew had ever worked with him. No contact.
The anesthesiologist came and was an absolute jerk. He made the situation worse – not better, and as we had just seen his bp come down- it soared as this man talked about possibly needing to intubate John and needing to have him go to the hospital – All I knew was that either this was going to happen now – or it was never going to happen under these circumstances, ever. My greatest fear was that he would stroke out on me. He had two strokes that threw me several years ago – and I could see him going off – face full and red – and his eyes glazed over! I sent a text for prayers and then went back to arguing with the doctor. "Either figure out how to do this, or release us and we will go elsewhere!"
They figured it out! After almost three hours – he was taken into the surgical suite – for the ten-minute procedure. Then I was called back in – and sat until he was awake enough to get up and go home!
It should have been thirty minutes – it was another hour. We were given the good news that everything looked good but a sample was being sent out to the lab and they would call if they needed to see him again. They gave us a script (which should not be used with his Parkinson’s meds (but they didn’t know or care).
When I asked him about the time – he said he was by himself and I wasn't there! OK! So, that was pretty scary.
We went to his neurologist yesterday and his bp was 148/85 – High but not as bad- and he was conversing and rational – but very tired! We also learned how to administer the drug so there would be the least amount of problem with his other meds – and he even passed a test to become a possible participant in the study for Parkinson’s – that he has always wanted.
Today he slept until noon – and seems to be better – some sweating and shaking – more than normal – and we were called back – he needs to go and have another sample taken on Monday – to double check the results – Good Lord!
His bp is down to 120/85 … and he spent two hours drawing a picture, before getting a little shaky, sweating and needing to lie down – he is napping and watching Oprah.
I don’t know if I would have been able to make it through all this without knowing that all those goods prayers and thoughts were being sent up! Thank you for being “the wind beneath my wings!”
I am ready for weekend – and I will let him know Monday a.m. that we are going out to the doctor’s so we can enjoy this time. Thank you, thank you, and thank you!
“The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing... not healing, not curing... that is a friend who cares.” Henri Nouwen
